Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
