I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
