I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
