i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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