okay pat passed out under dana's car
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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