The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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