fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
