but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
