Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
