Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
