I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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