I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
