Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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