I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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