Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
