I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
