I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
