It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize