Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
