i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
