: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Still dying that you shit outside
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
