Four minutes until I can fart!
It was confusing and full of hummus
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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