CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
