And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
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Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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