Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
