Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
