I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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