she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
