I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
