You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
