Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
