I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
