Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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