i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
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Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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