Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
