You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
