Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
