i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
