areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
from now on my penis is your penis
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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