'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
