If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
