sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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