And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Couch. On fire.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
