well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
