for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
pop tarts are not kleenex
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.