We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.