Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.