She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
