He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
