Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
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