Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
