Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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