Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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