aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
