I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
