dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
im on a boat
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