my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
