is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
