Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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