You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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