If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
