Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
