Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
