living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
