Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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