I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
