I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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