shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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