I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
