she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
