I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
