My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
